The signing was over and we only had an hour or so to get ready for the evening’s event: A party bus ride to Fairvilla Magastore (adult toys). We had always planned on going there for Seduction and Snacks night (based on Tara Sivec’s book, Seduction and Snacks) but when Cheryl Nasca, The party bus queen took over, we knew we were in for an adventure.
Of course, my group was the last to arrive at the bus, because we were standing outside freezing our asses off waiting for a shuttle to get to the meeting spot. When I got on the bus, the last seat available was next to Kerry, but it was already filled with little empty plastic cups. Apparently, the party had already started. The bus was filled with every type of jell-o shot ever invented, plus some amazing red-headed sluts, and pudding shots. OMG, these pudding shots were amazing, but a bus full of women licking cream out of a little cup on the way to a porn store was a little……aah who the heck cared! Luckily Cheryl had some chocolate covered strawberries and penises to fill us up, and Kim had her awesome pepperoni bread.
Just as things started to get a little crazy on the bus, we pull up to Fairvilla. Can you imagine if you were in a porn store and 55 women with cameras start walking in? Well the rapist guy in front was a bit mortified when I asked him to show us what was in his bag.
First thing Tara does is choose her necklace for the evening carefully:
She picked the whore necklace
Then, as we wander around, I see Amber looking at the Ass Midget. Apparently she had forgotten the “Ass Raping Gnomes” in Tara’s books. At that point, the evening was done, I had already peed my pants. (But with Tara, I’m “Always” prepared.)
Ass Raper
When Tara and I had a vibrator war, Tara won. It may not have been a race, but I think Tara O’d first.
May the vibe be with you
If this fits anywhere in your body, you have a serious problem
Then somehow, I got this awesome Australian saleslady who kept touching me with vibes and ending up raping me for selling me $250 worth of sex toys! (Though my husband told me not to spend a lot, he was so happy when I did).
So we all boarded the bus to drive around for a while longer. Have I said there were HUNDREDS of Jell-o shots everywhere? Raine Miller, Katie Ashley and RK Lilley, sat up front with the calmer people…but everyone sang along here.
Then Tara spilled a little beer on her vag and needed to dry off
Then we are all going nuts in the back and suddenly the bus lurches over a curb and jerks to a stop. Apparently Katie, Raine and RK were having an adventure of their own up front. Let’s just say this:
Throughout the evening Deseree, CC and Kerry were tweeting “overheard on the party bus” tweets.
“My Mouth tastes like I licked an asshole”
“I’m sticky! Why am I so sticky?”
“I am in love with that fucking penis”
“If you need to orgasm, you need to orgasm”
“My liver just got up, walked out, and said Fuck this shit”
“Holy fuck, I just peed a little”
“When you have the green goddess inside of you, you just eat it”
“You gotta put your finger in it”
“Dirty Whore, you put everything in your mouth”
“My vagina is wet and it smells like beer”
“I just pissed myself with beer”
Finally, the crazy bus ride pulled back to the hotel. We were hungry, and ready to go back to the room and continue the party. While Tara, Buffy, Dez, Trinity, Ricki and a few others went to citiwalk to make a tattoo appointment for Tara, we hung out in our room and talked about sex to Raine and Katie (OK, Katie-not so much, she is just so sweet!). We talked about orgasms, even squirting ones! Squirting Suzy demonstrated her favorite position and Raine, Scandal and Kim all watched a squirting O video on my bed (book research!)
When the rest of the gang came back and warmed up (it was freezing out), we started partying again…but then the evening began to wind down as a pregnant CC went to bed. Scandal turned in too….then I found the blow-up penis (yes, I gave it a blow-job!)
Then, it’s about 4am, and we realized we had something to assrape Scandal with! So with some (very loud) whispering, we planned on sneaking in and violating her in her sleep, but our drunk asses were a bit too loud…..didn’t stop us though….
Popping Scandal’s ass cherry
After sex cuddling
Finally in bed around 4 am, I went online and started reading the tweets from the evening and cracked up as Scandal slept (satisfied) next to me. (7 hours of sleep in 3 nights woohoo!)
Stay tuned for the last day’s events from Wicked Girl’s Book Weekend.
Want to win some swag?
Check out the rafflecopter:
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Watching FB for all the hilarious fun I was missing cause I couldn’t be there!
Next year!
Note to self: When you mount someone, namely Tara Sivec, on a sex chair and allow for your photo to be taken of said mounting, you will look approximately twice your size when your shirt falls down in front of you.
ANYONE looks huge next to tiny Tara
Desiree wasn’t the only posting on FB and Twitter that night. If you want the real story (after all, I’m the only one who was not drinking since I’m preggers), go to @cc_wood on Twitter or my FB page.
I changed it you pregnant whore–I didn’t even know about you!
This looks so awesome!
You have to come next year!!!!
You ladies sure know how to have a good time! My favorite was the “overheard on the party bus” tweets. Hilarious!!
That was just a sample….there will be tons more tomorrow.
The party bus!!! Sitting in the back with all of the glorious mischievousness!! BAHAHAHAAHAHAH!!
Crazy nuts in the back.
You forgot our viewing of the greatest movie of all time: Magic Mike!!!!
Wasn’t even worth discussing.
OMG Ha-larious! The tweets are fantastic!
Best weekend ever! I so have to work on the Overheard Book!
do it before you can’t find them!
Looks like the Weekend was a Success
It was, I hope you join us next year!
That looks like one heck of a time! I never would of thought to take a party bus full of women to a “toy store” what a fantastic idea! Looks like everyone had a grand time!
Looks like u had alot of laughs
You have no idea, my ribs and stomach muscles still hurt.
Lol
the bus conversation sounds hilarious, but I love scandal alot too and her ass cherry popping was really funny too
Nicki, I think I might be the only person who’s had her ass cherry popped while laughing hysterically sans lube!
I loved reading about your adventure! My favorite part was the war w/ vibrators, hilarious!
And Tara is a wild hold and a lot o fun!
Love it!! Sounds like a blast!
modularmates(at)comcast(dot)net
sorry i missed it
Love all the “overheard on the party bus” tweets! Too funny!
My favorite part was when Anna showed Tara the ass raping gnome. So. Much. Fun.
I am so sad I missed out! It really sucks having kids sometimes. My mom and sister went, but my kids had a dance competition. I had my sister give me all the dirty deets today.
Next bus my ass is in the back of the bus. What’s funny is I walked back there but came back to the front. :/ With just getting over being sick I didn’t know if I could handle the back of the bus. Sadly. BUT I will be there next time with my camera!
The whole weekend looked like a blast! Nice visual with the dildo sword fighting! : )
I would say I would have love to see the look on the rapist face when you ladies arrived at the porno shop – PRICELESS!!
How can I pick just one? My first thought when I saw the gnome was Drew’s Ass Raping Gnome theory and starting laughing but I loved when Tara got stuck between the seats haha
Thanks for the awesome giveaways and the hilarious recaps
I can’t decide whether I liked the tweets the best or just the picture of the ginormous vibrator/dildo! That thing would have to kill a person!
The ass raping midget!! When i saw Tara put that on FB I lost it, I was laughing so hard I was crying. Jealous of all the fun yall had!!
Sounds like a lot of fun! $250 worth of toys. That’s not that bad!
Favorite part?! Are you serious? It was all fucking hilarious! How can you choose?
OMG!!!!! The overheard on the party bus tweets are absolutely HILARIOUS!!!!!!!
Love the “overheard on the bus” tweets, lol
HILARIOUS!!!!!!!
OMG I wish I had been there. Now I’m wondering what will happen in Vegas O.O
The bus tweets were too funny. That great american challenge dildo scares the hell out of me, but the rest of the store looked pretty cool.
I’m jealous! I wish I had been there………… Maybe next time.
the vibrator war! lol.
wish i could’ve made it.. so lucky!
How much fun you all had!
The party bus tweets are the best! I’m sure anyone overhearing those would raise eyebrows.
I would have loved to have been in the “toy” store with you guys. I can only imagine!